Doc Ghesslet would like the public to remain aware of mental illness, keeping in mind that a significant percentage of the population suffers from one or another form of this invisible disease. He also says that what may be considered eccentricities in some of our citizens may have biological roots. Nippy Keen, Town Health Dept., wishes to disagree and regards local eccentricities, which he readily acknowledges, to be the result of what he so unpleasantly refers to as “social incest”: the result of an isolated population living in close proximity for several generations, therefore dissolving the common filters that prevent unusual behavior, though he concedes the remarkable ability of our citizens to embrace said eccentricities and unusual behavior while staying within traditional social and moral parameters.
Sotty Hoff’s Pub is pleased to announce that the newest batch of Verter Beer has been bottled and is ready for consumption. According to Happy Fohl, Proprietor, Miss Padden has outdone herself this year and is to be commended.
Miss Ada Sanderling wishes the public to know that she has an illness which has kept her abed these past two weeks but that she is still able to pray for the less fortunate. She hopes to recover within the next few days.
The manager of the Uringineers Baseball Club, has announced an important meeting this Thursday evening in the Coulter Building Ballroom regarding the construction of a baseball field in Sycamore Shadows next spring. The Evening Shade urges everyone to attend this important meeting.
Sammy “Blue” Bellhorn wishes to announce that he will have a great stock of healthy crayfish, minnows, and nightcrawlers for local anglers next year, and that prices will remain the same as long as citizens remain so generous in their support. Night fisherman are reminded to please be quiet when buying bait after 11 pm and to mark their purchase on the clipboard hanging inside the door. Ada Sanderling says perhaps the men of the town could find something more constructive to do than plan next year’s fishing expeditions in late December.
Elmer Flair, Flair Cleaners, says that ever since the Church of the Lost Lamb changed communion cups he’s seen a marked increase in neckties with grape juice stains and suggests men throw their tie over their shoulder when taking communion.
While remodeling, Cass Padden opened a wall which he is certain has not been disturbed since the house was built in 1940, and discovered a pair of ladies panties and a hockey stick. He says it makes a person wonder.
Charlie Sternwiess, Sycamore Savings Bank, says that rumors of an underground railroad era tunnel running from beneath the bank to Sanderling Park are untrue. He says that local sentiment was so strongly in favor of abolition that an underground tunnel would have hardly been necessary. He further cautions the public not to take Mr. Dowd and his divining rod seriously.
Ernie Stump, Stump’s Barber Shop, says he bought a new guitar for the shop which anyone is welcome to play while they wait.
Craig Wetzel, Imaginactory, says he saw a Louisiana Waterthrush near Sanderling’s Run, behind his building in Augsut and forgot to mention it.
Edwina Dulcet, Dulcet’s Music Store, is willing to trade music lessons with someone willing to mow her yard.
Sammy “Blue” Belhorn reports that several citizens drive much too fast over the bridge. He wishes to remind the public that it is a covered bridge, not a rifle barrel.
Doc Ghesslet says this will be a bad year for tics.
Mayor Chibble has announced that May 1, 2013 will be street-cleaning day. Due to confusion in past years as to which side of the street to vacate, the following schedule has been put in place: at 9 am every car owner with a vehicle parked on a city street is requested to stand with their car to their right, facing the front of the car. If you are looking north, please move your car. If you are looking in any other direction, you may return to your business. Volunteers with compasses will be available throughout the town to assist those unable to ascertain the proper direction. At 12 pm, do the same; only this time if you are looking east, move your car. At 2 pm, stand beside your vehicle once again, moving it if you find yourself facing a southerly direction. At 4 pm stand beside your car one last time. If you are looking west, move your vehicle. If you are not, your day is done. Mayor Chibble also wishes to remind the citizens that we still need several alternate street sweepers. Interested citizens may pick up a complimentary broom at Burson’s Hardware.
Nippy Keen, City Council, wishes it to be known that he believes the new street-cleaning schedule to be the most idiotic thing he’s ever heard.
Edna Minzel says someone who eats a lot of TV dinners keeps putting trash in her cans, therefore she hardly has room for her personal garbage. She wishes everyone would kindly use their own trash receptacles and reminds them that TV dinners aren’t healthy.
Andy Bollman, Postmaster, warns that wanted posters are government property and defacing them by drawing cross-eyes, beards and eyeglasses is technically a crime. Although he wouldn’t prosecute for what is obviously a joke, he wishes the perpetrator would stop.
Wid Coulter said he’s seen three falling stars this week and wonders if anyone else has noticed the same.
Cleb Bowman has decided not to plant a garden next year and wishes the public to know they are welcome to use his tomato stakes.
Wilson Hahn lost a hubcap on Kishwaukee St.
Come Home and Remember
This book presents 50 of my murals of East Liverpool, OH and the surrounding area, along with accompanying text. Painted over a twenty-five year period, the book contains beautiful full-color reproductions of notable sights and places from a by-gone era: schools, potteries, restaurants, businesses, scenery, parks, and many more.
by Mary L. Tambellini and Craig Wetzel
77pp, 9 x 12,” alk paper, full color with fold-outs
Signed by the artist. $25.00
Now available for purchase through my Etsy store. E. Liverpool area residents may wish to contact me directly, unless you enjoy paying shipping costs.
When I was young there was a large maple tree at the end of our drive that had a perfect spot for sitting. Three large trunks split from the main stem of the tree and created something of a bowl in the middle; perfectly shaped for a boy and where I spent countless hours reading with my legs inclined on one trunk and my body against the other, leaving only room for a sandwich and the drink my mother would hand to me once I was Read the rest of this page »
Dulcet’s Music Store is offering a seminar on building a gourd banjo. Contact the store for details.
Gertilla Mayberry says that a prankster turned down the flag on her mailbox, therefore Andy Bollman put the day’s mail on top of the letter she wrote for her sister. She wishes to thank the prankster for costing her a long distance call after she was forced to phone the recipe.
Ned Hammer wishes to inform whoever lost their frisbee on his roof that the recent rain washed it off and they may get it out of his garage.
Rube Elder says the popcorn machine at the Utopia Theater has broken down and the part will not arrive until Friday, therefore patrons are allowed to bring their own popcorn this week only.